Iceland

Somewhat on a whim, I took a trip to Iceland. It was never super high on my list, but after 10 days, it is my list. I could spend ten days exploring each region, and still want more. I found so much of what I needed in that place, but most importantly I found the me I had drown out in order to be a grownup. Knew better. Did it anyway.

Why Iceland?

My mom's dying words.

She and I had talked about making a summer trip to Iceland. Just us. Just like she had done with everyone else in the family over the previous decade...I am the youngest by far, so I was last in line. Don't feel sorry for me, I did have the chance to go to Norway with her and my children and it was an amazing trip. I just hadn't had the chance to make a trip alone with her. 

When the Hospitalist came in and said "It's likely cancer," both my mom and I sat in a terrible silence and waited out the emotional storm, our eyes anchored to each others. 

"Don't give up on Iceland," she said quietly. 

What followed was the worst 19 days of my life, and I will be unpacking all of that for the rest of my life. 

So one day when I opened TikTok and a creator was talking about a promotion that Adventure Iceland was running, I jumped at that chance. They said if you bring your quarantine sweatpants, they've sew them into hiking boots. I did. They did. If I can figure out how to add pictures, I will add a photo of my little blue hiking boots.

But.

Ten days completely alone.

I needed that time to sort it all out, away from the "Hey Honey" and "Hey mom" interruptions of normal life. I'm not done with all of it. I'm not entirely over that trip itself. I'm certainly not over those terrible 19 days. 

This blog is a journey. It's my journey. It's spare parts and unfinished thoughts as I sort it all out. 

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