LittleRedHikingboots

When I travel, I always take WAY too many writing implements. Except when I went to Iceland. I had one pen that bled ink through the page and a Ticonderoga number 2 Pencil. Sharpened just right. I love these pencils. Maybe it’s because it’s the staple of school supplies. Or that it was The Pencil for taking all those scantron tests in school. Or maybe it’s because I have school-age children and we buy 96 of these pencils every August so I am inundated with Ticonderoga number 2 pencils. But I have one less in my collection right now and I know exactly where it is. In a pencil jar in Iceland on a shelf. Normally I would not give one damn about that pencil, except leaving it at that Airbnb left me with that runny pen and a half-full journal with ink stains. I’m the kind of weird that wonders what that pencil’s new life is like, and if I could make a movie with it as the main character, I would. The Journey of a Pencil. See it at school on my kid’s desk. Carelessly jammed  in backpacks...

There’s a picture of me looking at you. You took it at my request, and I didn’t tell you why at the time...it wasn’t about the grand background or the sea or sky or anything, It was about me looking at you. I wanted to remember how this feels inside. That wide-eyed wanderer who falls in love in a breath, and leaves just as quickly before anything can become real. I had tried to leave that wanderer’s soul behind. Fill her full of responsibilities and work and told her she had to grow up. I thought I was saving myself, but it turns out I was only drowning the me I needed to be all along. Life’s march of tragedies stripped all manner of pretense so I got on a plane and ran away for a while.  I climbed, explored, discovered and felt. The ocean. A glacier. Lava running like a river. Then you. I don’t know how or why, but inside, I heard you. Quiet at first. A whisper that felt like “I see you” followed by a cascade of you I never expected because I thought those parts of me were gone wi...

Somewhat on a whim, I took a trip to Iceland. It was never super high on my list, but after 10 days, it is my list. I could spend ten days exploring each region, and still want more. I found so much of what I needed in that place, but most importantly I found the me I had drown out in order to be a grownup. Knew better. Did it anyway. Why Iceland? My mom's dying words. She and I had talked about making a summer trip to Iceland. Just us. Just like she had done with everyone else in the family over the previous decade...I am the youngest by far, so I was last in line. Don't feel sorry for me, I did have the chance to go to Norway with her and my children and it was an amazing trip. I just hadn't had the chance to make a trip alone with her.  When the Hospitalist came in and said "It's likely cancer," both my mom and I sat in a terrible silence and waited out the emotional storm, our eyes anchored to each others.  "Don't give up on Iceland," she sai...